


Push and Pull

by MechanicalMetamorphosis



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:12:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3295028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MechanicalMetamorphosis/pseuds/MechanicalMetamorphosis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“I’m taking things in my own hands because you are unable to take a hint, nor a thousand of them.”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Push and Pull

**Author's Note:**

  * For [solongsun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/solongsun/gifts).



> 2015's birthday gift to andrew_in_drag~ this might become a yearly ritual ;) Happy birthday, dear!

Kaoru looked up from his overflowing pile of music sheets to see Toshiya’s bare legs right in front of him. The bassist had just come out of the shower and was only wearing a small grey towel over his hips. Kaoru pushed his glasses further up his nose and went back to scribbling music notes. It didn’t take more than a second for Toshiya’s snort to be heard, soon followed by his amused voice.

“This is getting ridiculous, don’t you think?”

Carelessly walking towards Kaoru’s makeshift desk, a.k.a the coffee table invaded with books and papers, Toshiya stood over him and shook his head, letting wet hair drip water everywhere. This got Karou’s attention. With tight fists and a clenched jaw, he looked up.

“What…?”

His voice was as calm as possible, but Toshiya could almost hear all the curses that Kaoru still held precariously on the tip of his tongue. Still, he went on, pushing the books and papers until a few of them fell on the floor, “oops,” was all Toshiya could say without any hint of remorse. Kaoru was so close to snapping… So close.

“Remind me why I let you stay at my place?”

Kaoru was trying really hard not to throttle Toshiya or snap his neck in the blink of an eye. Kaoru had loved his big apartment without anyone in it to ruin his peace and quiet. Now that Toshiya was temporarily homeless because of a flooded flat, Kaoru had more or less grudgingly allowed Toshiya and his beloved basses into his place until his carpets dried or whatever Toshiya had rambled on about. Oh, he could have stayed at a hotel or probably at another friend’s place, but Toshiya had looked down at him with the oh so tempting promise of being more productive around Kaoru. That had been enough to make him cave in. Now, he was stuck with a careless Toshiya that seemed to be doing everything in his power to make his life miserable, or so he thought.

Toshiya sat down on the corner of Kaoru’s coffee table, something that annoyed Kaoru greatly, he knew. He put his hands on Kaoru’s knees and felt him tense.

“Because you want me here… You want me.”

Slowly, he crawled in his lap, surprising Kaoru who dropped his pen on the couch.

 

“What are you doing?” Kaoru tried to sound calm and detached, but failed miserably, sounding more alarmed than relaxed while Toshiya settled comfortably in his lap.

“I’m taking things in my own hands because you are unable to take a hint, nor a thousand of them. You want me, you’ve been wanting me for God only knows how long, and yet, you still haven’t come up to me while I tried to make it clear than I’m into you…” Toshiya sighed, running his hands in Kaoru’s hair, “relax, you look like you’re about to have a stroke…”

And indeed, Kaoru looked incredibly tense, stubbornly keeping his hands against his sides as if refusing to touch his friend. And then, Toshiya saw it in his eyes. The pure panic. Kaoru felt like a trapped, hunted animal. He pushed Toshiya away from him, letting the books break his fall on the coffee table while he fled the living room, mumbling things that sounded an awful lot like an “I’m sorry, I can’t”, before the sound of his bedroom door closing made it all stop.

Toshiya stared at the closed door, shocked and hurt as if Kaoru had slapped him.

“Fuck you, Kaoru, just… fuck you,” he mumbled, as he got up and walked to his bag in the guest bedroom to get dressed, barely towel-drying his hair before leaving the apartment, slamming the door shut behind him. As he walked to his favorite bar, Toshiya tried to calm down, not to let the hurt get the better of himself. He knew Kaoru had always been shy when it came to sex, even more when it came to sex with men. It wasn’t something that Kaoru talked about, and Toshiya even doubted that Kaoru had been with a man before. It might take a while before Kaoru admitted to himself that it was alright to be attracted to another man. That it wasn’t shameful. But Toshiya would have prefered it if Kaoru hadn’t decided to hurt his pride just because he was afraid.

As he walked inside, greeting his friend behind the bar with a tight jaw, Toshiya didn’t even have to ask before a drink was plopped down in front of him.

So he drank, and drank, and drank… until hurtful feelings were replaced by this gentle numbness that only alcohol could bring. Feeling much happier and, surprisingly, still relatively steady on his feet, Toshiya left to wander in the city, walking around until he decided he should go home, to Kaoru’s, and sleep.

As he opened the door, Toshiya tried not to giggle, feeling a lot like a teenager coming home after a forbidden night out. Boots and jacket were left haphazardly and he made a straight line to the guest bedroom, flopping down on the bed like a happy pancake.

Toshiya started at the feeling of a warm hand over his belly, and his mind struggled to come up with explanations. Either he was dreaming and this was going in a very, very pleasing way, or he had fallen asleep and the feeling of someone touching him woke him up. As the hand started stroking his hip to gently dip inside the space between skin and jeans, Toshiya decided he liked where this was going, be it a dream or something else, and sighed in appreciation.

“I’m sorry… I… I do… want you…”

Kaoru’s voice was heavy with regret and want and a little something that made it clear he had no idea what the hell he was doing, but that peculiar feeling was what made Toshiya suddenly very pleased. The Kaoru in his dreams had always been much, much more confident.

“I’m not dreaming, am I?” Toshiya kind of had to make sure this was really happening, but the warm breath ghosting over his neck told him everything he had to know.

“Maybe this would be a damn lot easier if you were…” the gentle hand started to withdraw, and Toshiya didn’t even need to think before he grabbed it to keep it there, encouraging him to go even lower.

“You’re doing great.. keep going…” Toshiya was suddenly breathless as a small but warm hand wrapped around him through cotton, “don’t stop…”

Surprisingly, Kaoru kept on stroking even as Toshiya tried to take off his own clothes. As his shirt got lost somewhere on the floor, the bassist realized that the man behind him was wearing very little. Knowing him, he was probably in his underwear. With a smile hidden in darkness, Toshiya unfastened his belt and unbuttoned his jeans, giving more room for Kaoru’s hand as they got lower on long legs and finally got to join the lonely shirt on the floor. Toshiya took a deep breath, feeling everything he had always wanted to, so close to him… Reaching behind himself, Toshiya’s long fingers slipped beneath the waistband of Kaoru’s briefs to touch, to stroke, to show… and was rewarded with tender kisses down his neck and shoulder.

A warm feeling settled in his groin as delicious words were whispered. Maybe Toshiya should have realized that confronting Kaoru so bluntly wasn’t the best idea, because right here, safely hidden in the darkness of the night, Kaoru was a lot more willing to try. Even more than Toshiya thought, he realized as he was turned around to face the guitarist and gentle fingers were suddenly a lot braver..

“Is this what you want?” Kaoru asked, and he didn’t have to wait long for Toshiya’s other hand to reach into his hair before kissing him softly, whispering against his lips, “yes…”.

Toshiya’s eyelids fluttered closed as Kaoru’s touch became a lot more sensual, fingers sliding in and out, playing with his body with an ease he only displayed with a guitar in his hands. Toshiya discarded both of their underwear while trying to keep Kaoru’s hand where it was. As a thigh got hooked around narrow, naked hips, bodies a lot closer, Toshiya sighed and reached between their bodies, needing to feel more, a lot more…

Two low groans disrupted the silence as Kaoru felt himself encased in delicious heat.

“See…? It’s not shameful… It’s good…” Toshiya whispered against Kaoru’s temple as hips started moving, slowly grinding against each other, “so good…”.

Kaoru shut him up with a searing kiss, hips snapping forward again and again until bodies moved and Toshiya settled on him, hips twisting and slowly stripping Kaoru of his sanity, until it all became too much…

“Definitely good,” Kaoru agreed, breathless and grinning like a fool. Toshiya agreed with a soft peck on the lips, arm wrapping around him.

“Now, don’t even think about pushing me away like that ever again, because you won’t like it…”

Kaoru snorted and nodded sleepily, bringing Toshiya closer to him. He knew Toshiya was serious, and he also knew he shouldn’t have pushed him away like that, but now he had finally found a way to apologize…


End file.
